Then the doorbell rang. It was Zack.
‘There’s something you’re not telling me,’ he said, as soon as he came in. ‘What is it?’
I told him I was fine. A bit poorly, yes, but fine. I asked him why he wasn’t at work, turning my face away from him so he wouldn’t see my eyes were red.
‘Don’t change the subject and stop trying to hide your face from me. Something’s happened
and you don’t want to tell me. Where’s Vanessa? Vanessa!’ he shouted, storming into the
‘She’s not here! Stop shouting!’
‘You’re running away from me. We’ve been here before. I know the signs. Something’s happened’
‘Stop saying that! Nothing… absolutely nothing’s happened. Stop worrying. Vanessa’s just gone to get some bread and milk. So you can go to work now.’
Zack leaned against the kitchen sink and folded his arms. ‘I am not going anywhere. I’m going to wait until Vanessa is here and I get some answers.’
‘Fine. Suit yourself.’ I left him in the kitchen and went into the bedroom. He followed me. I ignored him and curled up in bed in the foetal position. He made as if to caress my hair and I shrank from him.
‘Kemi, talk to me. What’s wrong?’
I didn’t answer. Eventually he left me alone and went back to the kitchen. A few minutes later, I heard Vanessa opening the front door. She knew Zack was here. His car was parked right outside my flat.
‘Kemi?’ She called out, tentatively.
‘Vanessa?’ Zach called out, half-angry, half-nervous. Two of the most important people in my life all I’ve ever done is cause them strife.
I made up my mind not to leave my bedroom.
There was a knock on the half-open door and Vanessa came into the bedroom, followed by Zack.
‘Kemi, you can’t run away from this forever. Please, just talk to Zack.’
I ignored her.
‘Fine. I’ll do it. I’ll tell him. Zack, Kemi’s…
‘SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!’ I screamed.
Zack looked from me to Vanessa and back to me. He moved closer to the bed. I jumped up and made as if to walk out of the room. Zack blocked me, grabbed my arm and said,
Vanessa left us alone.
‘And you weren’t going to tell me, were you?
I sat down on the bed. ‘No’
Zack moved closer and tried to put his arm round me.
‘Don’t touch me!’
It was all his fault. I was fine. Doing okay in church, trying to serve God. But Zack had to come and hover around me like a lovesick puppy and be the perfect son to my parents. I had compromised my faith for him and what did I get in return? This. A baby. A little body of cells threatening to hold me captive against my will. Forever.
‘Kemi, don’t you want kids?’
‘Not like this.’
Not outside of marriage, with someone who doesn’t share my faith and certainly not now. I’m 28; just a child myself. What did I know about being a mother? What would everyone say? I pictured myself with a bumpy tummy, everyone staring at me , I winced. No way would I let that happen.
‘We can make it work’
‘I’m not having this baby, Zack.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I’m telling you that I don’t want this baby.’
‘No…you don’t mean that. You’re tired…’
‘I’M NOT HAVNG THIS BABY!’
Culled from ‘Kemi’s Journal’- Abidemi Sanusi (page 112-113)
Can you describe Kemi's character? Do you think that she is a true representation of the christain religion? Kindly drop your comments below.