Living with a super controlling or abusive partner often causes emotional, physical and psychological drain. Victims are usually isolated from family and friends, and eventually lose their independent thoughts and self-esteem.
The abusive partner blames you for things that are not your fault, things that you did not do, and you become isolated from your friends and family in an attempt to keep the abuser happy.
According to Lisa Aronson Fontes, a psychology researcher and author of "Invisible Chains: Overcoming Coercive Control in Your Intimate Relationship”, in an abusive or controlling relationship, over time the dominating partner changes how the victim thinks," . The abuser defines what love is, he defines what is appropriate for his partner, monitors the partner, he determines the wrongs of the victim, and what she needs to do to change it.
She continues, "Through perspecticide, people give up their own opinions, religious affiliations, views of friends, goals in life, etc,"..."I am not talking about the natural mutual influencing that occurs in all intimate relationships — this is much more nefarious and one-sided."
Perspecticide is a form of emotional abuse where an abuser constantly tears down the opinion, beliefs, and views of their partner till they are brainwashed. It is a manipulative brainwashing technique, employed by controlling and abusive partners.
Signs That Show That You Are a Victim of Perspecticide
Naturally, couples influence each other in one way or the other as long as they are part of each other’s lives. Nevertheless, there are some spousal behaviour that are more abusive than natural.
- Your partner dictates how you spend all your time.
- You are completely isolated from your family, friends and others.
- Your spouse controls every aspect of your life.
- Your partner constantly makes you feel bad about yourself and attacks your self-esteem.
- Your partner regularly demand certain difficult acts as proof of love.
The reality of perspecticide is a coercive control relationship which is an unhealthy practice. Therefore, if you are a victim, know that it is not your fault and try to seek help.