A HEART-WRENCHING STORY OF INFERTILITY AND FAMILY: A Review of ‘Stay With Me’

By Nnachetam Calista Chinonye

Ayobami Adebayo’s ‘Stay With Me’ explores the complexities of human relationships, particularly the relationship between Yejide and Akin, a couple struggling to conceive. Stay With Me is a mother’s plea for her dying children and a husband’s plea for a dying marriage. The story is set in Nigeria in the 1980s and takes place in a society that places a high value on having children.

Yejide and Akin’s relationship is put to test at every twist and turn of the book’s plot – from their infecundity, which by society’s standards, questions the authenticity of their marriage, to the arrival of Funmi; a new wife arranged by Akin’s family. Yejide’s delirious race to conceive first has her going from medical to traditional practitioners, all to no avail. She finally encounters the prophet of miraculous mountains who assures her that she will bear a child soon. Instead, she is diagnosed with pseudocyesis

Eventually, Yejide becomes pregnant but by her brother-in-law; Dotun. She gives birth to her first child, Olamide who later dies and, later, Sesan, who also dies but from sickle cell disease. Yejide becomes devastated after losing two children and believes it is not in her destiny for her children to stay with her.

As the story progresses, secrets get revealed. Adebayo does an excellent job of delving into the characters’ emotions. Raw feelings such as fear, pain and insecurity of the characters are acutely expressed without bias. 
The story explores the ways in which tradition and societal expectations can shape individual lives and pressure us into doing things we would ordinarily not do. It dawdles on subtle themes such as how pressure from family and society can drive even an educated woman to believe in superstition. There is a scene where Yejide resorts to breastfeeding a goat believing it will make her pregnant.

This book also highlights how society always faults the woman for not having a child without thinking the problem might, in fact, be from the man. We later find out that Akin has Erectile Dysfunction (ED) and is the reason for their childlessness. On the other hand, Moomi; Yejide’s mother-in-law taunts her constantly for being unable to have a child. ‘Women manufacture children and if you can’t, you are just a man. Nobody should call you a woman,’ she once said to Yejide.

Adebayo also incorporates lessons on sickle cell disease through the character of Dr Bello.
Good communication is an important part of all relationships. Throughout the novel, Yejide and Akin struggle to communicate with each other. Yejide feels isolated and alone in her struggles with infertility but does not really open up to her husband. Akin, on the other hand, is struggling with his own feelings of inadequacy. Their marriage becomes strained as they both suffer in silence. 

Loss and Grief are major themes in the novel as the main characters struggle to cope with the loss of their children and the grief that follows. Yejide and Akin both experience immense grief after the death of their children and both cope in different ways. While Akin turns to religion for comfort, Yejide becomes withdrawn and isolates herself from everyone. The novel also emphasizes how grief can be a long winding process.

‘STAY WITH ME’ already has a lasting impression on me. It is a wonderfully written novel that explores the complexities of family and marriage. I will not forget about this book anytime soon. If you’re looking for an insightful and captivating book, STAY WITH ME is just the book for you!